I rarely find cocaine jokes funny, but sometimes a one liner makes me snort.

Elon Musk Bob Heller Tees #TheyreSoft

TWEET SHIRT CONTEST!

Link 3 of your original tweets that would look great on a t-shirt.

An organically assembled panel of 7 judges will RT the tweets they think will look best on a chest. Then DM their fave to Bob Heller Tees

Contest ends when all judges have judged.

BFP TBD!

Your a idiot.

My uncle died after a long battle with Covid and a much, much shorter battle with a pack of wild coyotes.

I was going to go to the gym today but the parking spot I found was too far to walk.

It's pretty cruel that OCD is not in alphabetical order.

Taking credit for things you had nothing to do with was invented by yours truly. #RandomAndFakeTrivia

Merriam-Webster defines a “pessimist” as “an individual who is either correct, or pleasantly surprised.” #RandomAndFakeTrivia

Common wisdom is what tells us, “It is what it is. It would be very confusing otherwise.” #RandomAndFakeTrivia

Always remember, you cannot cage a flying fuck

All I want is to be rich enough to park illegally

If I were a bear, I would without a question shit in the woods

the new trend of applying scotch tape to your forehead has raised a few eyebrows

dead spots in a conversation are scary because there's always the possibility that elvis will start talking

Men like their steak like the way they like winning an argument with a woman 'Rare'

Like a good neighbour I'll always be there.......with coffee.

Dance like no one is watching unless you've been drinking then everyone is.

frank sinatra: doo bee doo bee doo
blank sinatra: _oo _ee _oo _ee _oo

One horn = Unicorn
Two horns = Bicorn
Three horns = Triceratops
Four horns = JAZZ