overpriced “artists” lofts with approved corporate murals

vs.

the unbeatable smoke shop on Roosevelt street art ad

grimes fucking up her whole Coachella set while AI generated visuals played on the screens is the schadenfreude of the year

my mom is teaching us to make cute as hell sugar cookies

burritos ✅
jamaica tea ✅
Cajun chips ✅

People hate to see you on top
they try to bring you down
they’ll question how a misfit even got there

I love class action lawsuits
it’s like the corporate litigation version of a twitter dogpile

[tenderly cupping my stomach at the vape shop] hmmm the baby wants strawnana colada

a funny bit for a band to do that would only be funny for one time would be to say
“Thank you so much! Good night! Everyone get home safe and tip your bartenders!”
and bow after every single song in the set

my parents had an unexpected house guest today

it’s hard squash

*Joni Mitchell voice*
🎶 Oh, I could drink a case of Josh 🎵

fiancé got the art teacher position at a new school, moving up from teaching elementary to jr high, which is amazing!
but the new school’s mascot is the Trojans
why do people keep naming their teams after people who famously lost the one war they’re known for??

when they got to Pitbull I gasped

Poochinski (1992)
womanizing, foul mouthed Polish cop played by Peter Boyle gets murdered and his soul jumps into a bulldog
he then, as a bulldog, becomes his rookie cop partners side kick looking to find his killer
you can, and I recommend you do, watch the full pilot on YouTube