EW!

I'd fought too hard for what I had to ever put myself in that situation again.* If I tell him part of the truth then I have to tell him all of it. I already plan to do it. I'm just worried about how he will react to me putting his past on paper. >

*whispering* I don't want to hurt him. Mary Luce

I know baby. I'm sorry. *hangs head* x.com/Zsadist_BDBRW/…

This is really what I was trying to avoid. x.com/Zsadist_BDBRW/…

We have known each other a long time, Mary. Back before either of us met our mates. We were neighbors and friends. I've heard stories about how Zsadist was when I was... *stops to clear my throat, not wanting to pull up that memory* ... when he couldn't find me. >

I have no wish to revisit any of that ... evil. Which is why I need him at my side for this. I just want him to help me, to want the answers that I do. >

I'm afraid that he might focus on the fact that I'm even writing in the first place and completely miss the unanswered questions that I have. *Huffs and stares up at the ceiling, trying to order my thoughts.* I probably sound a little silly right now. >

I mean, who worries so much about these things? Right? *I shrugged, snagging a piece of my hair and twirling it around my fingers absently.* If you think that saying something to him will help... I was always planning on telling him when the time was right. >

I just didn't think that it would come so soon. More like WAY in the future when our little girl wasn't so little anymore and could actually understand things. >

Then I would throw it all down like a big reveal say, "Look, you don't have to struggle for the right words because I wrote it all out." I don't know. Maybe it was stupid in the first place... Mary Luce

*I sat there for a long time, considering all that had been said. I already knew before coming in here that I would have to talk to my Hellren. I guess what I really needed to hear was that it would be alright. Mary was right about the changes that Zsadist had gone through. >

He was a different male now. Seeing him with our young proved that much to me. Every once and awhile I would see aspects of what he once was. That would never leave him. It was a part of him now. But he had us. And we were never leaving him. >

After a long moment I finally nodded, patting Mary's hand that was resting on my arm.* You're right. It won't do any good to put this off longer and I just need to bite the bullet. *I stood up, back straight, head high.* Wish me luck. >

I'll let you know if I need to call the cavalry in. *I laughed nervously and left the office. I needed to find Zsadist before I changed my mind and chickened out. The last thing that I needed was for him to find what I'd written before I had a chance to tell him about it.* >

Thank you Mary, you're the best. #Secrets #BDBRW

Oh my! And here I thought the reaction was going to be a negative one! x.com/Zsadist_BDBRW/…

*Trembles and gets all hot and bothered at the same time* x.com/Zsadist_BDBRW/…

*shifty and just kinda...*