Just setting up my Twitter. #myfirstTweet

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*Pulls your panties to the side* *Tries to remember how I even ended up wearing your panties*

Me: We do *not* spit on our classmates! 5YO: Well, who DO we spit on, then? I miss the funny stuff my kids said when they were little.

Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams

My dream girl? Dirty blond hair, strong arms, cold eyes, immaculately shaped facial hair, no remorse -Are you describing Chuck Norris? Yes

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