*Retires after a long, successful career * "Haha, suckers. I never knew what I was doing."

Shout out to the grandmas out there keeping the canned vegetable companies alive

pretty cool of the virus to let us have June and July off to drink white claws on the street and try and fuck a couple times before going back inside from August to January

Few things are as unfortunate as farting with the refrigerator door open.

Has anyone noticed smoothies are getting smoother lately?

Is this good or bad for interest rates? Federal Reserve, please my family is dying. Wells Fargo

Nothing worse than starting your day by spilling all your Alphabits cereal into the toilet and having to eat it out of the big bowl.

Anyone who whistles at night is a psychopath

mert | helius.dev Nice

For some reason, being an expert on animal dicks doesn't get the same respect that other professionals do.

Everyone knows stealing is wrong but what about lying. It's wrong but no one cares--like cheating on ur wife or throwin a midget down a well

Beginning of the end for the human race x.com/ChadwellYoung/…

hey all . just learned about this new shit here, i think you will like it if you enjoy using the computer

The worst things about all these animals going extinct is that I'm never going to get the chance to hunt them.

this shit really hits home for me since i was once forcibly removed from a united airlines flight for having a bee hive stuck on my head

Estimated breakdown of a drug commercial: 5%: What the drug does. 95%: We dare you to take it.

Time and time Again. People on here Fuck me over and ruin my life. simply for starting the Dialouge

up until i was about 28, i thought "the 9 to 5 " was a euphemism for blasting cum