I’ve been sneezing the entire summer. I hope I’m not allergic to sunshine.

Telling my dog 700 times a day how much I love him is a direct reflection of how many times my dad said it. #dogarebetterthanhumans

Comfort watches are suspect

Why do I cry all the time these days? It’s because I know I’m better than who I am right now. I’ll change, but it will be painful. Thank you for your patience and support.

Can you drink half a bottle of jack Daniel’s in 30 minutes before bed….. hold my glasses because I cannot tweet this without them. Tomorrow I work on sobriety. Just cleaning out my closets. Streaming resumes soon.

Having a dog is cool because bugs don’t stand a chance when they invade your home.

One of my favorite things to do is wait until my dog is asleep and jump out of my seat and run to the bathroom like a maniac just to cause panic like he does when he barks at 3am.

The hardest part about quitting drinking will be when my camera does facial recognition and there’s no beer.

It’s really hard to maintain a sober October as a Browns fan.

My plan was to do the sober October challenge this month, but after a long day of work I decided to have a few beers. I didn’t accomplish the challenge but I did rearrange my priorities and alcohol is now at the bottom of my list. That was the goal so I’m happy with the results.

My plan is to return to streaming this month but I still have so many projects around the house I need to complete. I’m finally getting some overtime at work as well so the return may be limited to 1 day a week. I’ve missed you all and I hope I’m not forgotten.

Kevin loves new toys. New toys don’t love him. They last 5 minutes before I have to throw them away. Thankfully the rope attached to this is still a good distraction.

I worked all day on my kitchen flooring and I cannot believe how long something that looks so simple can take. I’m so proud of myself that I did it and didn’t get discouraged and quit. As Blink-182 once said…. I guess this is growing up.

First stream back in a while and I was nervous. I missed it a lot. I haven’t play Phasmophobia in months and it felt like I never played it before 🤣 Huge shoutout to Bro Taterchip for sharing his wonderful community with me. Your fam came in clutch when I struggled 😂

I cannot forget about my friend CaptainPoetato who raided me on stream yesterday as well! Thank you for your continued loyalty sir!

Kevin hates when I cancel streams. At least that’s how I see it 😂

Tonight we try something new on stream. Loot. Die. Repeat. 6pm EST twitch.tv/averagebiff

The craziest thing about twitch is watching someone with 46k followers only have 26 people in their chat.

I hope I live until December 18 2026 #Doomsday

27 fake calls in 24hrs. If y’all wanna see my butthole you need to FaceTime. I’ll show it for medical purposes.