Kristi Noem: No one will top my bizarre animal killing stories. RFK Jr.: Hold my bear.

I know I'm in Colorado because the guy who picked me up from the airport told me he liked me because I'm quiet.

RFK jr trying to lock up the woman vote by finding the weirdest way possible to choose the bear

I watch more than a modicum of garbage trash TV, which surprises some people because I use words like modicum.

The party bus lobby must be so strong. You're not allowed to ride in a car without a seatbelt, unless you're drinking and dancing on a pole. What an incredible loophole.

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Some people say the key to a successful marriage is communication, but it's actually keeping your mouth shut when they send you anything from the Internet that you already saw two weeks ago.

My venus fly trap caught three flies. It's just so nice to see someone do what they said they were going to do.

Hey I'm funny over on Threads (ariel_comedy) and Bluesky (arielcomedy). It's been fun