'With friends like these, who need hallucinations?'

'Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.'

'12: Native Americans discover Columbus lost at sea.'

'Children in the back seat cause accidents� accidents in the back seat cause children!'

'A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.'

'To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.'

'I can�t make you want me, all I can do is stalk you and hope you give in.'

'My mom thinks I�m at the movies.'

'Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.'

'I�m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.'

'Sounds like a personal problem to me.'

'I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he�s gone.'

'I can handle pain until it hurts.'

'42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.'

'If you can�t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.'

'Welcome back to square one.'

'To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target'

'Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.'

'I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.'

'It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.'