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When I was 7, my teacher told us to write an article about “world cultures” for school over the weekend. I remembered it late on Sunday so in a panic I made up something called the "Icelandic Fish Festival", figuring said teacher wouldn’t know either way.

Accurate.

If you want to know who is paying for the Queen’s funeral it is the magic money tree that the Treasury can always shake when it needs a little more cash. They could also use it to tackle problems in the NHS, education, social care and so much else. They just choose not to….

CLIENT: Why are you here? ME: I’m your barrister CLIENT: But I sacked you months ago. Remember? You lied and broke the law and proved yourself wholly incompetent. ME: Yeah, but you instructed me in 2019. So I have a mandate. Boom! *HIGH FIVE. WE ENTER COURT. CLIENT GETS LIFE*

This obsession with ‘working hard’ and ‘hard working families’ is depressingly Victorian. We live in an age of machines that can do all that stuff for us. People should be having more diverse and more fulfilled lives, not grinding away until they die.

The past two days I have had so much abuse and crap on twitter. I'm retweeting this video because it'll upset them even more. But give the rest of us a bloody good laugh 😃 enjoy... and you're welcome. 🎥Larry & Paul #CabinetMembersAppeal

Do your f*cking job, Ofcom

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Shoutout to everyone on the British commentariat’s anti-genocide fringe. Fingers crossed the whole not killing everybody thing manages to go mainstream one day