It’s my birthday!!!!

Fine. I'll "go to work" today.

My god that’s a lot of toe.

I'm sorry, but what the fuck is this shit right here? #iamnotapillow

The family is trying to teach me how to say “beef”. I’m struggling with the sound of “f”. #beeffffff

She’s just been gnawing on that for 10 minutes. What a simple, simple dog.

I am extraordinarily well-rested.

58 days and still ignored by Chris Murphy 🟧

Billion-dollar idea: HEPA filter diaper for my sister. #fart

I know “over”!

Spa day wears me out.

Dad thinks I’m getting positively “fleshy”. Don’t body-shame me, jackhole. Looked in a mirror recently? I haven’t. They are too high. Thanks a pantload for not accommodating my height challenge. Jackhole.

Wheeeeeeeee! #1984

As an island dog, I don't want to go out into the snow. But once I do... #snowday

Why does she get Super Blueberry?

And why is she calling her “Patrick”?!

Seems Elon is a fucking shithead. #Tweetbot