In my day, an extremist was someone who drank Mountain Dew

It’s such a coincidence the Super Bowl is today, because I was already planning to go down to Philly to torch some cars.

"White People Are Great" is my favorite Uncritical Race Theory class.

My favorite part of Valentine's Day is stocking up on cheap love the day after.

Communicating the complexities of the cultures, issues, and events that make up our society in the way that people can digest and understand is the job of comedians. So fuck you.

So is any one liner now considered a dad joke?

I always pour one on the ground for carelessness.

I wouldn’t swipe left on her for eating crackers in bed!

Republican paleontologists find dinosaurs killed off by woke asteroid

I’ve been doing this 8-minute workout. For 8 minutes a day, I’m in amazing shape.

I was all set to get into BDSM. Then I choked.

College might be harder to afford these days, but it's much easier for parents to get their kids into a good school shooting.

Happy Easter Jennifer Begakis! I don’t know you. You might not even be one person, as an Aesopian or Homeric group would better explain your output. But I believe that however many you are, most of you are Greek.

The best thing about middle age is that when I wake up in the morning, I’ve already wasted my life. So the rest of the day is my own.

Motion to call haircuts “headicures”

Worst Greeting Ever Daily Blitz #comedycrowd #dailyblitz

Intermittent fasting is just tech bro bulimia

I wish everyone would get off Elon’s case about the salutes. It’s really adding to his kampf.