Does anyone else forget what they look like all the time?

Lol do you think anyone still uses their 3D TV?

#kony2012

Robinhood

Today I learned that Triumph the Puppet Dog wrote Don't Mess With the Zohan.

Charcuterie is just the french word for lunchables. Trust me I'm bilingual.

When ever someone is like "More money more problems!" I'm like "lemme help you solve some problems."

If you spell the word bee or ivy out loud you will say the whole word before you finish spelling it. #TheMoreYouKnow

Who's your daddy, and Hoosier daddy should not be pronounced the same way. I hate this language.

And lead us not into temptation …

Twitter? I barely even know her! ... what's up? I'm back.

POTUS? More like scrotus...

Getting my tweets in just incase the whole thing folds.

So far my favorite part of the world cup is watching people in the stands film the players on their phones. Lot of squished up face double chins out there. #FIFAWorldCup

I just realized I've been keeping a diary for years and just calling it a joke book.

PSA: If you're a restaurant that makes it's own ketchup just stop. Heinz figured out ketchup. No one wants to eat your experiment on their fries.

I have 103 followers. Suck it haters

Hey TTC Media Relations 📰🚌🚋🚈 I just reactivated my Twitter to let you know you're the POO officers and that's funny to everyone.