It's a two-fer day.... I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter. How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry. And here's a freebee... Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.

How many storm troopers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they are all on the dark side. 🥁 If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. 🥁🥁 The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages

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Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece. 🥁 I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches. 🥁 When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef? 🥁🥁

He even looks like Greg Still on, the evil politician from The Dead Zone. 😳😬🤣🤣😈

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Isn't it amazing. Even in a coma, Donald J Trump is STILL tweeting??!🤣🤣🤣

On Tuesday, after your drunken Labor Day weekend.... you're welcome.🤣🤣

Who thinks there should be a "Liberal Tax"? If you didn't vote for the President, you pay $1.00 per gallon extra.🤣

the proper method...

We are asking for the public's help identifying this person of interest in connection with the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk at Utah Valley University. 1-800-CALL-FBI Digital media tips: fbi.gov/utahvalleyshoo…

Dear Stephen King, while it is laudable that you have apologized for your post, I would urge you to do the following: Examine why you had the impulse to post such a reaction when a young man had been assassinated. That you succumbed to your dark impulses speaks to your having

Bravo!!

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This is one of the most used marketing pictures of Stephen King. Why has nobody Photoshopped that booger out of his nose? It's so distracting. And now you'll always see it. You're welcome.