I’m as healthy as a horse! (Meaning if I get injured, even slightly, I’ll need you to shoot me in the head)

Has anyone ever asked HOW’s Waldo? Why is he hiding? What is he hiding from?

Fuck it. Letting the t rex out

Old people are always signing their texts like they’re writing a letter. “Grandma died. -Mom” Like…I know who it is, numbnuts.

the Knicks.

Pacers sucked but the TNT broadcast audio mix was way worse to endure.

Tiktok wants me to buy this weed puller from this dude so bad. Jokes on them u like all the weeds in my yard.

Pacers in 4

Fuck the NBA refs. Straight up dogshit ass ending to that game.

ESPN broadcasters have so much Knicks’ dicks in their mouth I can barely understand them.

THE PACERS TAKE DOWN THE KNICKS IN GAME 7

go ‘cers

I get 2 texts a day starting “Hey it’s Joe Biden” all from different numbers. Stalker much?

We’re you born yesterday? Blue MAGA is hilarious

(my dog from the back seat) hey you ran that grey light

Frederick John Krueger Mellencamp is his full name.

BREAKING: Trump selects the Big Bad Wolf to head the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Who tf is buying Dr Squatch bars of soap? Now they have all these huge licensing deals. I’m not spending $9 on a bar of soap that smells like C-3PO’s Rusty Nuts. Actually…

Bring back ChaCha to replace ChatGPT. I miss asking questions to someone who was also likely jerking off.

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns