MAYOR My daughters? OLD WIFE They were... looking out for your best interests, Lord mayor. ELDER2 And my - my daughters? OLD WIFE I think we're going to have a lovely crop of fair haired babies come winter. ELDER2 [disheartened] Ohh.... --

GHOST, SIR SIMON [bellowing and outraged] A Pillow! At my HEAD! ELEANOR [complacent but needling] I suppose it's a good thing you were wearing it, then. SIMON Not if they'd hit me! I'm not certain I fastened it on completely. It's never been an issue! --

MORTE I don't get it. MAGGIE You need to loosen the f*ck up. [evil chuckle] Here. Have a "brownie". MORTE Ooh. Chocolate is my weakness. RATTLE OF PLASTIC MAGGIE Death and chocolate - imagine that. How about you, Gary Glitter? SATAN Well, if you're offering. --

GRETAL Bet you didn't learn that from anyone in Iambic Pentameter. VIC Pattycakes are simple. Most don't lie, and if they do, they don't do it well. GRETAL It's those big round faces. Not much to hide behind. VIC They just don't see the point. Simple doesn’t mean stupid. --

GUARD Here now? What's all this? JANE Please, kind sir, we took a turn somewheres, and got ourselves lost. Could you see your way to showing us back to the exhibit? ANNIE My fault, sir. I was all overcome like and we were trying to find some air. GUARD You ladies follow me. --

MATILDA Where’s my sister? INFERNIQUE I tried to triangulate on her ... NOTHING. MATILDA Triangulate? INFERNIQUE Deal with demons, you get a trace on you. Is she dead? MATILDA No? INFERNIQUE Then she’s beyond this realm. MATILDA Just going to faint now. Hope you don’t mind. --

HARRY Horrible Murder! Wealthy man found dead! GERALD Give me one, Harry. HARRY Oh! Y'r pardon, sir. Din't see you! GERALD Don't fret. Here. SOUND COIN HARRY I can't change that. GERALD [wry] Do I ever ask for change? HARRY Nah, but it makes me look honest, it do. --

MAYOR Is everything prepared? ELDER1 Oh, yes. Last night I slipped a sleeping powder into the knight's ale. ELDER2 no, I did! ELDER3 um, I also... MAYOR Oh no! We'd best look in and see that he's still breathing-- ELDER2 Even I can hear that snoring! MAYOR Well, yes, but-- --

HIRAM Hold it right there. SIMON [off - moaning again, suppressed fury] HIRAM Now where did I - Aha! RUMMAGING, FOOTSTEPS HIRAM My dear sir, I really must insist on your oiling those chains, and have brought for that purpose a bottle of Tammany Rising Sun Lubricator. --

MRS Oh, Debbie, poor Mr. Roderick's time has come. DEBRA I'll bring him back when he's ready to join the family. MRS Must rush - Roderick's about to have kittens! DOOR SHUTS DOUGIE Didn't... Roderick die? DEBRA All her cats are Roderick. Saves changing the names on the bowls. --

HYDE There will probably be police here soon. We may want to go. ALICE We're the ones who are finished. You still have your little samples and stuff to take. Go get disgusting. Have fun. HYDE [hiding anger] As you say. I'll even explain to the police what happened here. --

OLD FRED You're certain sure in the wrong place. CRAIG You don't even know what I'm here for. OLD FRED Either you're here for ghosts and get scared by a door, and you're in the wrong place... or you're not - and this ain't where you want to be. --

JULIE She wouldn't sleep with him, and he believes she'd jump greasy Iachamo? So he gets a bit extreme & sends a letter to Alfred-- JOEL Alfred? JULIE The servant. Just go with it. So he says that Alfred should kill Imogen for her infidelity. JOEL That is a bit extreme. --

SIMON I must rattle chains & walk about at night. It is my only reason for existing. VIRGINIA That is no reason at all. SIMON Why else be here? VIRGINIA You killed your wife. SIMON My wife was very plain, never had my ruffs properly starched, and knew nothing about cookery. --

KLAUS We are coming out. GARTH [strangled] Why I oughtta....! KLAUS Shh! This knife says you are the quiet one. Ladies, move. Unless you want your hero to have a very close shave. GRACE Go on. GARTH Civilized? Urk! GRACE [low and intense] Do not anger the man with the knife! --

TIMMY Did you think all the stuff on the radio was true? JACK Why would it not be true? Explain. TIMMY It's ... fun. Like make believe. You mean you don't have stories where you come from? JACK I don't know where I come from. My memories begin when you assembled me. --

LEM You gotta be the one in the dress? Yer voice might could pass. FANSHAW Oh... [dropping voice low] I often was the lead. I even played Romeo. Of course, someone always had to put on the dress. Boys and girls do not attend school together - not at my sort of school. --

WILLY You're only here because I'm curious what would make a mortal... collaborate with such a filthy maggot as Beelzebud. RENA You make it sound a lot more fun than it is. --

My apologies, I have given up on Twitter for this feed.

My apologies, I have given up on Twitter for this feed.