Hey Siri, how do I motorboat my own tiddies? Tysm

Reason #1 to clean your coffee mugs from your desk on a daily basis: I just took a sip from a coffee with milk in it… I made it 2 days ago 😬

Violence sometimes *is* the answer 💀 ChaoticGoodMage

Putting wrinkled flannel in the dryer for a few minutes and pulling out a cozy warm crisp shirt afterwards >>>

🚨BIG ANNOUNCEMENT🚨 I recorded a video explaining pretty much everything, as well as highlighting boundaries. If you are unable to watch it (though I do highly recommend it), I will post a sparknotes version below, as well as links. bit.ly/3G0qj2Y 1/3

WOSOP everybody in the house tonight WOSOP WOSOP!

My bisexual ass whenever a golden retriever gamer boi slides into the DMs:

Took today off to not work on anything and indulge in self-care but the immense guilt I feel 🥴

Broke my garage door today 🙃. How’s your day going?

It is the express duty of the golden retriever gamer boi to ensure that their bisexual partner shall never ever ever ever be required to make a decision. - actual excerpt from the bisexual manifesto

Oh noooo i missed my flight and I have to stay in Houston another night, noooo the horror 🫣🤭

Anxiety do be wilin today 🥴

How about we don’t assume any of my guy friends are my bf? 🙃 I’m bi… do we assume the same for my gal pals? No? Ok cool 👍

What is the best music video of all time and why is it Kiss From A Rose by Seal? youtu.be/AMD2TwRvuoU