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before you're a parent, the question "why is this wet?" is very rare but sometimes fun, after you're a parent it's the opposite of that

shawty iconoclastic….shawty goes berserk at sight of sacred images…

if my country were having extreme financial troubles, I’d simply remove the inbred German figureheads who still receive millions in feudal levies and dues because of some leftover bullshit from the Hundred Years War. but, I mean, that’s just me

David Liebe Hart killin it rn

RIP

rip quincy jones man💔🐐

this is as historically significant as getting a different angle of the JFK assassination

need to be six beers deep at the new deal club

go outside and learn about a new plant or bug

Absolutely insane X-Files reveal I completely forgot about. Greatest show of all time

Shin Godzilla but he keeps the googly eyes from the first evolution the whole time

I'm getting away from social media tomorrow. See, an old friend of mine invited me over to mending our friendship. Yes, I've dunked on him, tooled on him a lot, in the past. But he wants to make amends over wine. See, he knows I love fortified wine. I do. And this is amontillado.

If you need me, I’ll be in my Caucasianarium.

Millennial law school professors who were big into Papa Roach be like: "Thank you for being seated. This is my class on torts."