may the fuck be with you

me walking around LA during the Netflix is a Joke festival all week:
“BOY I HOPE NO ONE BABY REINDEERS ME OH IT WOULD BE SUCH A SHAME IF SOMEONE WANTED TO OBSESS ABOUT LITTLE OL’ME”

tickets are selling fast for our Netflix Is A Joke fest show this WEDNESDAY get em while ya can

netflixisajokefest.com/shows/made-in-…

will Protein Joe be at my Netflix Is A Joke Fest show May 8th at UCB? You’ll have to come to find out!

netflixisajokefest.com/shows/made-in-…

is it normal for the Costco cashier to fire a loaded pistol at your feet and yell at you to “dance”

My Don't Tell Comedy set is up today. The wife says it's great and she typically avoids my act like the plague. Enjoy: youtube.com/watch?v=XaNW1N…

“we could be in and out of the main safe in 3 minutes without raising any alarms. it’s the perfect plan”

Costco should have an aisle where you can take your shirt off and howl like a wolf

our dog is excited for our Netflix Is A Joke fest show May 8th at UCB Franklin

netflixisajokefest.com/shows/made-in-…

“because of woke culture we can’t say the things we want to say….anyway come see my new movie about breakfast”

this week the Netflix Is A Joke Fest is starting up and our all Canadian Showcase is on MAY 8TH buy tickets while you still can- who knows maybe a special Canadian drop in will happen!?
netflixisajokefest.com/shows/made-in-…

why does my brain do this at 4am

old Nintendo games were wild

wow the first Zelda isn’t how I remember it

at The Comedy Store tonight 10:30

did a fancy gig at the soho house in Beverly Hills last night.
I pulled up to the valet and said
“I’m one of the comedians”
then he looked at my 2014 Prius c with a Costco hot dog bumper sticker and said
“I know”

The NBA should have jeans night. I wanna see how good they play in jeans

This feels like a win

I feel like Walton Goggins is Pedro Pascal’ing right now.
You put a man in his late 40’s early 50’s in the post apocalypse and we get
HOR-NY

our dog doesn’t understand the concept of restaurants