i’m citrusmaxxing. i’m so lemonpilled

life is hard for those of us who love to see someone dutch winning but hate seeing christian horner happy…

uma kompton? more like uma clomped on this dick

tried to get hozier tickets and at 1 minute past when they went on sale they were all sold out… scalpers when i find you

in case dog days are over comes on

how do you say in academic language “he absolutely schooled those motherfuckers”

born to say “excuse me”
forced to say “BACKS”

the best thing about the internet is that i can google what day i should put the bins out and it will tell me. the worst thing is everything else

░C░A░S ░K░░O░F░░ A░M░O░N ░T░I░L░ L░A░D░O ░░I░N░░M░ ░Y░░ C░E░L░L░A░R░

is there anything more gay coded than franz ferdinand? i say to the room. dead silence. uhm. the band, not the archduke, i clarify. thunderous applause

if i was orpheus and i had a pair of headphones and a good podcast for the journey i would have been fine i think

the grammys: who’s troye sivan
tyler oakley: that’s oomf 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sticker spotted in NYC

the sheer terror i felt when ella tried to reference the “jackie kennedy eating sheet metal” meme is how i imagine many of my more offline friends must feel at any given moment conversing with me