while we're all online does anyone want me

i’m the shohei ohtani of fumbling bad bitches

Kanye West & Jay-Z's 'Otis' was premiered 13 years ago today by Funk Flex 💀 ▫️ Official length of the song: 2:58 ▫️ Funk Flex' premiere: 22:05 ▫️ 63 bombs dropped ▫️ 25 times restarted

sometimes all a fella really needs is the studio debut album “Parachutes” by Coldplay

she wanted space and time so i gave her palkia and dialga

A lot of people don’t know this but you can just hang out with me

I hate when bartenders try to lookout for u and pour u a crazy big shot like I appreciate it but take some of this back shorty I’m trying to have a good time not frow up in front of the bitches

nobody will remember: - your salary - how “busy you were” - how many hours you worked people will remember: - Who you said when naming random athletes with the boys - How random the athletes you named were - If everyone else said “good pull” after you named a random athlete

Sorry I do not reach out as often as I used to, I have been second guessing my career path,debating my life choices,and sleeping in any free time I get to escape the reality that is my life.

I heard my toast spring up in the kitchen like 15 minutes ago but I don’t care. I just don’t care. Fuck that piece of toast. And fuck my life

ladies do NOT shave your bush for 9/11 I DONT CARE WHAT HE DID

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Need a bad bitch to force me to watch a show I wouldn’t normally watch soon

THERE IS ONLY ONE SHOHEI OHTANI.

im making a movie on an iphone too its called 28 beers later its a documentary