male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord
me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—
cult leader: I am to have multiple wives

I mean at this point dog people need to be put down.

The prevalence of so many people believing they shouldn’t have to be bothered by the presence or sight of other people’s children is a symptom of atomisation and social decay

It’s always been amazing that Conan O’Brien is that smart, that hilarious, and that unpretentious. He wants everyone to get it, yet the comedy is still so elevated.

here's how andrew rannells can still win an emmy for a show that ended 7 years ago

A man in front of me in line at the post office keeps getting out of line and then coming back and saying “I am here” how do I tell him that we live in a society

This but for K-12 private schools too

I’m begging famous comedians to stop talking about cancel culture. It’s so fucking boring. Every angle has been covered. You’re appealing to the dumbest people in America. It’s not good a comedy. It’s not good art. If you just want money move into real estate or something

Writing 'NOT FOR BENJAMIN NETANYAHU' on my taxes like a post-it note on my lunch in the office fridge

can I be honest I wish coffee shops ditched almond milk and stuck with SOY the SUPERIOR MILK ALTERNATIVE

shit like this makes me feel so insane like why are we banning parents (women in particular) from public spaces!!! your dog doesn't want to go to a pub or restaurant!!!

Sublime and No Doubt are touring, there are OJ jokes on Weekend Update, everyone is loving Conan. Kids, this is what 1995 was like.

as someone who works and plays within the sex work and poly communities, baby, if i have to learn one more acronym i am going to kms

Gwen’s voice still sounds so good after 30+ years howwwww

No, actually it isn't. Hope this helps.