Shit Nonprofits Say(@nonprofitssay) 's Twitter Profileg
Shit Nonprofits Say

@nonprofitssay

Capturing the aesthetic beauty of nonprofit organizational expression. Threads: @shitnonprofitssay

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calendar_today03-08-2016 03:21:20

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I’m sorry, but during the six weeks you’ve been waiting for legal to review this contract we’ve updated our Basic Consultant Contract Template A, so you will need to start from the beginning with this vendor before we can process.

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In lieu of making a decision, we’re going to develop a decision-making framework. And that will be an iterative process.

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This time 2 years ago: thinking about consulting.

This time last year: Thinking about consulting.

This year: Thinking about consulting.

Next year: Thinking about …

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We’ve decided to close the office 30 minutes early today to allow our colleagues to get a head start on the holiday.

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Our vision is audacious, bold, inspired, forward-thinking, ground-breaking, and transcendent—completely without precedent in human history.

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Internal memo: There is no money for salary increases this year, so please give all your direct reports terrible performance reviews.

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Our Return to Office Policy is being drafted by our Associate HR Director who “has a pretty good idea about what you all are trying to pull.”

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Admin #1: I just placed an order for new binders.

Admin #2: You realize we have infinity used binders in the store room?

Admin #1: Oh well, we can always use more binders. I also ordered more paperclips.

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Staff: The sky is blue. I’m a PhD in Astronomy and Meteorology

Consultant: The sky is blue. Our intern Googled it

ED: We now know the sky is blue because our consultant tells us so

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