Can I get a “Yes, Absolutely”

Find yourself a man who stays hydrated and regular

Done with the work week, I can’t wait to get home so I can finally drop this ridiculous American accent

Me when I’m addressing all the people in the world named Juan:

Hey what’s up every Juan

Hey what’s up everyone this is my uncool Spanish friend Square Juan

Sometimes you gotta poop nude.

The Golden Rule doesn’t really cut it if you hate yourself

I’m a gooner
I’m a choomer
I’m an OK boomer

My toxic trait is that I’m always ripping big nasty ones!!!

Jerry Seinfeld is always doing something new

Oh you like Frankenstein? Name three of his monsters

Long John Silvers still running their April Fools joke as an ad. Just rolling with it

Just passed the Sbarro in case you need someone to represent you in food court

Worcestershire is actually pronounced Worcestershire's monster

Do not reply. No, seriously

Like I don’t already stare directly at the sun every day. Big whoop!

When I thank the sample giver outer at Costco

It’s called Weeds because she has so much going on in her life, it’s like she’s in the weeds

Commercials in the early 80s were like, “Tired of Peenor? Try Weenor”

Bro you need to chill your dill