Make peace with others misunderstanding you. Carrying the burden of always explaining yourself weighs heavy on the efforts you’ve made to grow. Sometimes others don’t have the capacity or the interest. Make peace with that—for you. Maybe that’s what you’re really looking for.

You may never know why they hurt you. But, those unknowns are theirs to carry. This is hard to let go of, but necessary for your health. Your healing is not in hearing their answer. Your healing is mending what feels broken. It is in how you let go of what is not yours to carry.

The opposite of breaking the cycle:

Telling a survivor their healing is in the reconciliation with their perpetrator.

Giving a leader a new (different) role after it’s been found out they were abusing others.

Blaming the hurt person for speaking up.

It's tragic how often we judge someones behavior, but won't name their pain.

Sending peace to those adapting to the loss of life as they knew it. There are chapters, moments even, where we understand we must let go of what is not returning and find a new way. I am not saying this is easy, but I am saying, it is worth it for you to see what's next.

Telling someone they should be over abuse they went through as a child is dismissing the lives they had to build to survive. It’s not until that life keeps breaking them that they realize there are roots to heal. This isn’t something you get over. It’s something you work through.

It’s hard for people who’ve gone through childhood trauma to understand their own capacity. They give more than they have because they don’t know other options. This is rooted in them being neglected when they needed care. Healing is in accepting you don’t owe what you don’t have

It’s not “tough love” if someone has to heal from it. That’s abuse disguised as tough love.

Don’t underestimate the value of sitting quietly with someone when they’re in pain. Let them talk. Listen to hear. There is profound healing in someone experiencing your care by offering your presence and withholding your advice.

It can be difficult to navigate the complex feelings around the passive parent who did not cause the trauma, but saw it and didn’t stop it. I don’t say this to provoke unnecessary anger. I say this to make it clear that neglect is also abuse.

Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they face years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of that trauma and said “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.

When you heal from abuse & learn to exit survival mode, you will see that many people have no idea what that kind of pain feels like. Their lives have been consistent, while yours has been anything but. It takes time to adjust, but your normal is normal & it's valid as it is.

If your child is hurting themselves or acting out and you assume they are doing it to get attention, please give them attention.

It has to be of the most sacred life experiences to be the person someone confides their abuse story to. When the receiver has the space & understanding, healing happens. But, for both of them. Truly, to hold a heavy story & then help them feel safe because they shared. Sacred.

Let’s end this broken system that judges people based on the relationship they have with their family. Many people had to walk away from their families because walking away is often the only hope for healing, health and survival. Honor them for their loss and their courage.

There is nothing that provokes anger more in manipulative people than the people they are trying to manipulate growing, healing or moving on.