When someone apologizes it’s not supposed to hurt. You shouldn’t be more confused than before the apology, or feel like you got ambushed. Be cautious of those who pretend to apologize when all they’ve done is taken a vulnerable moment to confuse you further so they can buy time.

“But, you’re so strong”

What people don’t see is they’re also so lonely, afraid to ask for what they need, and terrified that if they ask for help they’ll be rejected. There is often a lot of pain the strong people you know are hiding. Strong is sometimes the only option.

Positivity doesn’t cure anger. It may distract from it, but the anger isn’t going to go away. Anger isn’t bad. It’s a normal response to a felt disrespect to the mind/body. Healing happens by affirming honest emotions rather than attempting to swap them out, which delays growth.

Generational trauma falls hardest on the ones willing to heal.

Abusers and enablers will create chaos around you when they see growth and/or healing in you. They may pour on harder than they did before. It's not because you're not getting it right. It's because they're not and they're afraid of you understanding that.

People have a hard time detecting red flags when they grow up being taught to normalize the way they were being hurt by people who were supposed to protect them.

There is nothing wrong with family being your everything. There is everything wrong with you telling other people it needs to be their everything too. But, especially to those who had abusive parents.

Being misunderstood or ignored is often a significant trigger for those who grew up in homes where they were not accepted or had to hide who they were out of their survival.

Choose safety over returning to what’s familiar but harmful. Choose lonely over manipulation. Choose preservation over exposing yourself to people and places that are not interested in your growth. These choices will lead to peace. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

It’s crazy how often people are judged for being estranged from someone who put them in survival mode.

We will never help the hurting when we tell them “family is everything” when family is where their abusers live.

April is child abuse awareness month. What survivors hear:

'You're stronger now because of the abuse.'

'I bet your abusers were abused too.'

'Now you can help others who were abused.'

What they need to hear:

'That was not supposed to happen. Are you ok?'

Those who feel like “too much” have often been so overlooked that they’re trying to prove their worth. They haven’t had enough genuine connection to understand they don’t have to earn someone’s approval. The ways they’ve been hurt was too much & they’re simply trying to matter.

What a survivor wants to know when they speak up about being abused:

1). They are believed.
2). They are innocent.
3). The abuse will stop.
4). Their well-being is a priority.

What they do not need/want to know:

1). How to think or feel about their abuser(s).

How about instead of “Why didn’t you tell someone?” try “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Not all hurt people, hurt people. Some remember how much it cost them and couldn’t imagine putting someone else through that.