I read somewhere that babies can recognize their mom's voice from just one syllable and totally unrelated, but I just realized how many syllables my favorite four-lettered words have. Fuck.

Not a lot of people know this, but the song 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' is actually by a post-breastfeeding mom documenting tit sag.

My husband just asked me why the baby bouncer was in the bathroom and that just shows how different our lives are.

Dating the tall guy is all fun and games until you are carrying his giant offspring

If my postpartum hair loss drain clog could start cleaning the house and helping me get ready for the day like the forest animals in Disney movies, that would be great.

A 'Parenting in the Winter' Bingo card with squares that say things like 'got asked where my kid's jacket was,' 'got a call from the school nurse,' 'persistent cough,' 'child insisted on wearing shorts,' and 'got a letter from the school about absences.'

Abolish valentines days and replace it with winter halloween

Moms know which cup really is the true winner- the one you get from the hospital when you give birth

Gonna get my kid a leg tat that says, 'I tried - love, Mom,' so everyone who sees them in shorts during the winter knows.

Congratulations on your new baby boy! You will be finding Nerf bullets in strange places for the next 20 years.

My toddler strung four words together for the first time. He said ‘stop talking to me.’ My heart is full.

Bet I can tell you how to ruin your child's life in just six words: You need to wear a jacket.

Can we stop calling it 'postpartum hair loss' and re-term it 'postpartum hair migration'? Where it comes out of your scalp and travels to your chin, nipples, and...toes? WTF...

Imagine you're an actor. A film you starred in was traumatizing for some reason. You try to gaslight a generation of nostalgia fiends into believing it never existed. For visualization purposes only, let's say your name is Sinbad. You also create the term 'Mandela effect.'

My 6yo asked Alexa to play Christmas music, and then screamed, “not that music” so Alexa tried again, got it wrong, and again, and again, until Alexa turned itself off, and I just feel so validated knowing that even our robot assistant sometimes hides from my daughter and her BS.

7: Mom did you know the most painful thing in the world is having a baby come out of you?

Me, the person who gave birth to his 9 pound ass: YES I’M AWARE

Babies get all the attention. Maybe I, too, want an applause when I go from sitting to standing.

Sorry kids, Mommy didn't wake up feeling very P-Diddy this morning.

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Being sick, yet still needing to take care of other sick people, who are, coincidentally, the very same people who got you sick in the first place, is the Mommest thing a Mom will ever Mom.