passenger princess

if anyone needs me i’ll be acting strange in public like very strange

can i come over and tell you you you look easy to kill and refuse to change the subject

(cheddar news voice) the horny factory has recently shared plans to expand their areola of ovulations to include cumtown

telling my credit card company that i’m dead and didn’t do all that

magazine called “Skill Issue”

i am normal and can be trusted with sensitive information

thank god it’s friday

Punching your credit card while you're in sleep paralysis

i call ‘em how i see ‘em:

“what the fuck is that”
“this wasn’t in the meeting”
“not too sure wtf goin on”

they need to invent a state between awake and asleep and i should be allowed to monetize it

Yes the rumors are true I’ve just Pokémon style evolved into a garage door opener

this shower whiskey root beer will fix me i’m certain of this much

one of these days i’m just gonna quit my job and run with a pack of wild boars for a couple months

no

skin graft burger idk send tweet

nice tweet, i’m prescribing you 13 bonks to the head

has anyone ever made a pancake burger before, i have some questions

i’m getting something matched but ‘freak’ don’t quite define it

going to drink a beer 9 minutes from now