FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country." DJT: "They're eating the dogs! They're eating the cats! They're eating the pets!"

He swallowed the bait on people leaving his rallies early. He swallowed the bait on inheriting his money. He swallowed the bait on John McCain. He swallowed the bait on Charlottesville. He swallowed the bait on the Central Park Five. LESSON: Don’t debate on an empty stomach.

PHOTO: Republicans react to the revelation that Kamala Harris is a gun owner.

This was Donald Trump's debate prep team. Maybe they're real Democrats after all.

NOBODY IS LEAVING MY RALLIES EARLY, HEY WHERE'D YOU GO?

OMG! SAMESIES!

"THERE WILL BE NO THIRD DEBATE!" - the losingest loser who has ever lost a loss

SHOWN: When syphilis and chlamydia take human form.

Donald Trump: "When I lose, I'm going to blame you."

LIFE HACK: Don't vote for someone who would rape you.

Barron Trump: "Dad, I'm not calling that Loomer bitch 'Mom.'"

BREAKING: Melania Trump skins Laura Loomer and turns her pubic hair into a hat.

SUPER DUPER MEGA FUN FACT: She's lying about her birth control.

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please make Swifties angrier.

Republicans: "Guns, guns, guns for everyone!" Also Republicans: "Democrats' hateful rhetoric is causing gun violence."

If you think Donald Trump wouldn't stoop to staging fake assassination attempts to win back the White House, congratulations on waking up from your coma.

Donald Trump loves poorly educated Republicans because they usually miss.

Merrick Garland: "It's cool, he deleted it."

BREAKING: Republicans are calling for a boycott of the Bible over the woke diversity agenda of "love your neighbor as yourself."

Donald Trump has only a concept of a plan for healthcare but knows exactly what he's going to do when he loses again.