SUPER FUN FACT: Later this evening, my dog Popcorn will take a short walk around the neighborhood before not being shot in the face.

During his presidency, Donald Trump did not attend a single White House Correspondents' Dinner.

Just because you are a joke does not mean you can take one.

NOT A SHOCKER: Eric Trump is too stupid to buy skin lotion.

Even if I live to be as old as Mitch McConnell, I will never stop hating Mitch McConnell.

a haiku for Kristi Noem

you are an asshole
asshole asshole asshole ass
hole asshole asshole

'I'll see your pooping on Kristi Noem's porch and raise you peeing on Kristi Noem's air conditioner.'

SHOCKER: Best friends Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein were best friends.

Defending a puppy killer is peak Republican.

Kristi Noem is a bitch who kills her puppies.

When you hear that a politician was stabbed by his own child to stop him from allegedly raping another one of his children, do you even have to be told it was a Republican?

'Very powerful presidential immunity is imperative or you practically won’t have a country anymore.' - Donald Trump, the only president in 248 years who has needed it

SHOWN: The top 6 reasons why you can't trust the Supreme Court.

Normalize indicting Republicans.

For Republicans, life begins at conception, but not giving a shit begins at birth.

Republicans want to give teachers less money, more students, fewer books, fewer resources, more parents in the classroom, more standardized tests, more scrutiny, more pressure, and a gun.

PHOTO: Elderly dementia patient gives Japanese tourist key to Jack Fucking Shit.

Republicans: 'Joe Biden is too old.'

Also Republicans:

Donald Trump: 'Are you better off than you were four years ago?'

Donald Trump, four years ago: 'Try drinking bleach.'

Even by Republican standards, Kari Lake is a loser.

'Junior drank three gallons of lead paint? Don't worry, Bobby, I'm sure he'll be fine.'