Death, taxes, and diarrhea at inopportune times

Last night, I thought my neighbors were in a serious fight until I realized their yelling synced up with every time LeBron scored in the game I was also watching.

Alright. I’m a little more than halfway through baby reindeer and it hasn’t even snowed yet

What’s up, team? I just dropped a box full of 12 copies of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard at the corner of Nostrand and Lincoln in Brooklyn. Happy hunting!

one of New York’s weirdest mysteries

I’m not going to say anything about Seinfeld other than it is so incredibly weird to me that he didn’t ‘get’ coffee until he was ~55 years old.

Yeah, I got your Challengers right here

I might pull up to your show in my friend’s unmarked white van blasting that new Phish tune

Looks like today is the one day a year I’m going to try to and ultimately decide not to become a ring guy

I was told that I use twitter like it’s 2008. Here is my beautiful cat

How young is too young to wear tinted sunglasses everywhere? I’m thinking about trying to look like a celebrity to manifest success

dojour.us/e/25312-max-fi… max fine | minneapolis, mn apr 26-27

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

This has 100% been me and Minneapolis 4/26-27 for the last 24 hours and I fucking hate it!!!!!!11!!

15 years

Kenny forever

Huge compliment

It would be healthier for me to shove a diamond tipped drill into my brain than to keep using this app.

Me, 100% positive the world is going to end by the end of the year:

“Hey guys, I have shows this weekend and it would be really cool if you came out!”

Minneapolis tonight with my bestie max fine | minneapolis, mn apr 26-27