i'm no longer a weed smoker so i have no idea what to do today. i just grabbed a bird out of the air and gave it a little kiss

Malcolm in the Middle East

we should get an hour of recess at work. i want to go outside and play

the potatoes in my pantry when they start sprouting and wont be eaten

me closing a deal with the keebler elves to put asbestos in the cookies

me when the chili's manager asks me to stop eating the moist towelettes

almost monday already

rebuilding every carburetor within a 25 mile radius

[einstein if he was a youtuber]
hey guys today we'll be discussing my new theory: general relativity. but before we get started I'd like to thank our sponsor manscaped. do your balls look like a manatee that got hit by a boat after you shave

this thing is gonna show up to my house with a gun

me when i find smurf village

pelicans are like the SUVs of ducks

i miss her so fucking much

pretending to charge up a kamehameha for 10 minutes while the repo man hooks my car up to the tow truck

i get so bored between sets