I come from a long line of very pretentious people according to the website “23 and I.”

haha

thx Killer-Martin

You are so prolific, I call you “J. Chris Newbit. :)

Where can I get a fixer?

I don’t really know what “inkling” means, I just have a slight notion.

As a parent, I tried to give my kids all the things I never had growing up. Like seat belts and bike helmets.

I don’t have a recipe for disaster, I just improvise with whatever I have in the fridge.

My cousin works from home. He’s a gravedigger. You should see his backyard.

Hey, my rant about how we should all ignore social media got over 60 likes!

At the gym, everybody shows up with their personal trainer. I show up with my personal injury attorney.

My grandmother revealed her celebrity crush. Don’t tell anyone but it’s Thomas Edison.

haha.

the 3 likes?

The Most One-Liners You'll Ever Hear In A Comedy Show. Brian Kiley - Ful... youtu.be/aEACJV9n3QI?si… via YouTube

Hey guys, my special is up to 1.8 million views and 3 likes! Check it out here.

My grandmother told me that she’s leaving me everything. Which sounds nice but she’s a hoarder.

Yesterday, I went to my brother’s surprise retirement party. You should have seen the look on his face.

My fear is that if extraterrestrials do make contact, they’re going to try and sell us something.

Anybody else check their phone whenever a character’s phone dings in a TV show or movie?

I have a friend who manages an Olive Garden. He says business is so bad lately, they’re thinking of serving Italian food.