I'm in the wrong place for the eclipse, but I bought jaffa cakes so I can recreate the event

The Twitter experience in 2024.

English people be like:
'originally I'm from North wood shire ton hampton mill ford sley'

He spittin

Where do scientists leave their tampons?

On the periodic table

What we hear is spring birdsong, what the birds hear is: HEY GUAPA!! SEXY LAYDAYYYYS COME AND GET IT!!! HEY GORGEOUS, EVER BEEN RAILED BY A ROBIN REDBREAST?

When are they gonna stop lying to us. Smoke detectors don't go off for vaping, everyone knows that

Oh, so you're a female street artist? How are those murals of women with long twirly hair coming along?

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's why I released all those spiders at the gym

egunon

I wish I was less of a strong act so people didnt put me on first or after the break. That'd be cruisy

Lent is just white Ramadan but lamer

Pancake day is by far the best Christian holiday. Few quid total outlay, no presents or stupid outfits, no music.

That said, if pancake day had its own music what would it be?

Disposable vapes are being banned. I think this is unfair on the kids. It's the only way in the uk you can taste a decent mango.

When I see cash stuffing videos this is the first thing I think of

I joined a club for sailors with dildos, we have a large membership

I got a promotion, I'm no longer a dickhead I'm now a dickCEO

I've started microdosing mushrooms and it's really helping my depression, although I'm not sure if it's the medical effects or just the pleasant feeling of getting slightly twatted at 8am