Never seen a 24 pack before this week Soleil clearly stands in solidarity with writers.

What the fuck is Habit Burger putting in their Crispy Chicken sandwiches?

When my kid says “I don’t mean to be rude but” I know I’m about to hear the most awful shit ever.

I don’t want my funeral to be a burden I simply ask that my next of kin deliver a reading of my entire text message history.

I tried this to score points with my family but they eventually found out about the strike.

“I thought I’d be in better shape from picketing” I think to myself at my daily Happy Hour.

2023 Atom Bomb vs 2022 Adam Bomb

The New York Times casually mentioning the writer of today’s Bob Barker obituary has been dead longer than Bob Barker.

Had no idea all those celebs were at Beyoncé last night. My seats were so fucking far I didn’t even know Beyoncé was there.

The sins of Drew Barrymore only make me respect Drew Carey more.

It’s too cold for most politicians to wear shorts in the Senate. Mitch McConnell’s been freezing in a full suit.

Okay solidarity over release the stats on who did the least picketing.

I guess we instilled a love of travel in our 8 year old because he keeps sending me highlighted locations in Google maps.

My dream job coming up with ideas to show on The Sphere is over because I kept pitching square shit.

First thing I do when I get a job is ask for a ton of business cards so they know A) I plan to be there for a long time B) I am old

You think sexuality is confusing now? When I was a kid the whole country was obsessed with seeing this guy’s bare ass.

Okay I was one of the 90 people who voted no on the WGA contract but I thought Ratify meant adding rats to something.

Only 369 Killers of the Flower Moons until Christmas.

Another family vacation ruined by a hotel bathroom magnifying mirror.

The Hoarse Whisperer.