nice 400lb squat bro she just let me hit cuz i’m goofy

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

If you need a cosmic surveillance camera to stop you lying, you’re not moral, you’re managed. Atheists tell the truth because integrity isn’t a threat-based contract. It’s character.

Only being a good person because of the threat of eternal hellfire is not a flex. It's an admission.

"Put her ass back in the cabinet" still an All-timer

mmmm actually your father was the Secretary of State and Lt Governor and you ran his failed “vote for Cuomo, not the homo” campaign to put yourself through college but sure

It took Kanye a while, but he’s finally figured out that he can be as openly antisemitic as he wants as long as he also supports Israel.

I hate how traumatized everyone is from dating. Like it’s actually so sad.

This headline

Partner of murdered Brooklyn activist Ryan Carson calls for ethics probe into Queens City Council Member Paladino’s online attacks | amNewYork amny.com/politics/partn…

Unemployed cat: “Looks even hotter out there today…”

BARS #MakeVickieUnemployedAgain

drinking at the airport lounge is so fun until the afters is sitting still in a confined space

“Disgraced pervert vows to touch more young people”

i'm honestly a pretty personable person so rarely have bad interactions with others but the guy doing my global entry interview was SUCH a dick and i was SO thrown off and the picture on my card.....shows it

I wish dead people could still text because sometimes I really want to text my mom some stupid shit. Like I need just a moment of your time and then you can get back to resting in peace or whatever you’re doing that’s sooooooo important

i love my woke dragon show so much i'll even pretend i care about daeron targaryen

quibbling over whether it's a single neatly compiled list or consolidated information from a variety of evidence sources is beyond pedantry, why would you dig your heels in on this?

It’s incredible how many people in America are living in a state of active psychosis

sorry but making yourself look randomly guilty as hell because you couldn’t resist the urge to be an annoying pedant about whether there is a literal physical List in a drawer somewhere with all of epstein’s clients arranged in neat little rows is the most stephen king shit ever