I am learning how to compromise the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities without such screaming pain.

your indifference kills.

please take this seriously. there are those of us whose lives are being reorganised to keep our loved ones safe and there are those who continue to swan around with the privilege of thinking they are untouched by risk. the latter make the lives of the former so much harder.

my boyfriend, who has severe (brittle) asthma, is probably going to have to move out/home for 3 months because living in london is too high risk and i can’t do our shopping without putting him in danger.

I felt overstuffed and dull and disappointed, the way I always do the day after Christmas.

I am learning how to compromise the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities without such screaming pain.

A life of doing nothing is death.

You felt no reality. Only a weariness, a longing for a shoulder to sleep on, a pair of arms to curl up in - and a lack of that now.

Delude yourself about printed islands of permanence. You've only got so long to live.

Let life happen.

So I laugh, and my lipstick leaves a red stain like a bloody crescent moon on top of the beer can.

Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted.

How much of my brain is wilfully my own? How much is not a rubber stamp of what I have read and heard and lived?

I do not know who I am tonight.

We stand round blankly as walls.

I wonder how hungry they are. I wonder if they would forget me if I just undid the locks and stood back and turned into a tree.

God, how I ricochet between certainty and doubt.

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.

I love people. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me.

I luxuriate in suddenly letting go and crying my insides out.