Your mom looks like Big Jill

Don’t keep receipts, write them.

I prefer digital clocks bc it’s reads the same as money and it keeps me grounded 🙏

Testing something

iykyk

Rock n' Roll Jesus I got every single nail on me

How do I know we are an empire in decline?

We don’t see 2 Fast 2 Furious inspired Honda civic and Toyota Miata car meets at Wawas and 7-elevens anymore.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you” works on me every time

Lack of sex can cause serious deviant behavior. That’s why everyone should be nurses.

Work-Life balance is propaganda. Did Alexander the Great or Mansa Musa ever request PTO? 🧐

Thinking about the janitor we had whose first name is Mister…

Me

Me if you even care

Diddy:

Too quiet for Ibiza, too loud for Vatican City

🔥🚬😮‍💨😌

Actual reason the God of Abraham said let there be light:

Don’t worry the shadow person you saw in your room at 3 am was just a biblically accurate Angel checking up on you

The big difference between you and I is that you’re big and I’m different