lol

It’s good being pope

X is now a male enhancement pill

It also covers it in sand.

I screen my mother’s calls.

You’re right this is way less embarrassing.

When people refer to others on IG as “humans” (eg “this lovely human”, “this beautiful human”), it makes them sound like aliens just getting comfortable with the platform.

Manned space travel is a colossal waste of money and jizz

I would make that face too.

When I see holiday decorations in California I always think that shouldn’t be allowed.

One studio exec said: “Go for it and let’s see what comes out.”

The other said: “Here are dozens of IP assets. Mash them together in a way that lets us make more.”

Is that bad?

Truly, live mas

Is she single or ethically non-monogamous?

He’s looking to divide not unite.

WIFE: Can you go get the champagne flutes?
ME: …
WIFE: Can you got get…oh…please no
ME: Go get the whats?
WIFE: Can you please go get the Andre 3000s?

I witnessed a huge waste of money

“doing yoga for the hostages” sounds like something Conner O’Malley would blurt out while bleeding on the side of a bridge

Start (or continue) to steal