I've unlocked the psychic ability where I know the reply is going to be a thumbs up emoji.

Next psychic goal: the cat I'm petting is about to bite my wrist.

Your trip to the museum doesn't count if you don't mutter 'everybody has their price' as you walk out.

Blues Brothers TV show idea: every week they sing an old R&B song to get out of a pickle. This took me 3 decades to come up with.

I genuinely enjoy it when people tell me it's 'their Friday' on days that aren't Friday. But they can keep 'their Mondays' to themselves.

I bet my friends' tweets would get a lot more likes if my friends were incredibly famous.

And also if they could tweet gross misinformation without fear of censorship.

But probably more the fame thing. Let's all get famous, friends!

Why do the TMNT wear masks?

Not like there are thousands of other turtle/human hybrids walking around.

VICTIM AT LINEUP: Yes, officer, that’s him. No, wait. That’s Keith. No, Keith’s one of the GOOD teenage mutant turtles. He’s not a ninja. He works at Subway.

We all talk about desert island picks, but we never want to talk to the person that survived 5 years stranded & only wants to talk about The Beatles' White Album once they get back.

10 years ago this June - the very first Earbud release. A friend listened to this ep and said, 'No you can't do that.' Which was kind of a compliment...
earbudtheater.com/shift/
#AudioDramaSunday #ScriptedAudioSunday

If there are giant storms on Jupiter, then surely there are people there to say they sound like freight trains.

Therefore, Jupiter has freight trains.

TALES FROM THE DEAD OF NIGHT 2 is now live!

Nocturna is back with three new tales (written & directed by yours truly) for Earbud Theater!

Find us at earbudtheater.com & Apple podcasts!
#EarbudTheater
#TalesFromTheDeadOfNight2
#HorrorAnthology
#AudioDrama

Nobody ever talks about the early days of texting, back when we had to repeatedly press numbers to access the alphabet & none of the etiquette had been established. I believe there was also an elaborate song everybody was required to sing while waiting on replies?

I just remembered how TV networks used to advertise the b plots of shows during summer reruns to make you think you hadn't seen the episode before. Those dirty dogs.

Sunrise & sunset are just a couple of earthtilts with better PR.

If I touch something & my hands get dirtier, does not that thing get cleaner?

Not being philosophical; just trying to determine how often I should wipe down my Roku remote.

MORTAL KOMBAT and NOMADLAND: Two movies about traveling a long distance to find your true self, and getting to know interesting people along the way.

Whenever I delete emails that have subject lines like, 'Explore the Natural World,' in my head I'm saying, 'Never!!!'

No screaming allowed at amusement parks. I get the science, but I want a thriller starring Denzel or Clooney where they enforce that...until a wild cyberthreat makes them have to convince the park to all scream at the same time.

I didn't think I was feeling especially off tonight, but my double feature of THE PRINCESS BRIDE & OUT OF SIGHT will push me well into the weekend. #therealbachelor