We bought these wooden garden chairs at Chiswick car boot maybe 10 years ago. I cannot properly express how well designed and comfortable to the human arse they are.

‘I said hop in…’

Dabney Coleman. His name liveth forever more when you’re pounding a 16oz steak into yourself at Dan Tana’s.

Tiger poss making quad bogey on 1.

Tiger’s golf pump has blown apart and he’s mad sharting chilli dips all over the gaff. Just spraying the greens with liquid hell.

SHIT AN ACTUAL RORY

Average par 4 on the tour now seems to be 500 yards.
Fuck my own dog.

Golf punditry out of control now.
‘It’s going to be a somber day for the man who lost his life.’

‘You’re a fucking jinx, hen.’

The Scottie Scheffler arrest is total Darryl Strawberry in The Simpsons.

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
It’s the only way to be sure.

When we used to be a fucking country

Loving all the trolling of the return of Cameron Diaz.
Total KWEEN. You know what?
Cameron Diaz is back in ‘I’VE RODE YOUR FUCKING MAW.’

Off the cuff Keema tonight lads. Basically threw everything in the fridge into this fucking Shithouse.

Now I’m no maths genius, but doesn’t this add up to 101%? Can you have 101% of something? Or are people saying ‘NIVEN IS SO GOOD WE HAVE CREATED AN EXTRA 1%’?

Danny's new book is out this week - and it is a TOTAL BLAST. Trust me.

Fuck around find out

Wanking and eating cheese?
It’s not working mate.

Excellent lighting here…

Can’t his brain worms eat faster?