shout out to whatever bar had a chris rock cd in the jukebox

Narcissism reveal

I have found a clue that may be of use to the New Jersey police department...

The only good advertisement ever is the one where the toothbrush cleans a corncob

Walmart employees are now wearing body cameras in some stores around the country but I bet they’ll be conveniently turned off when they’re slashing prices

We need term limits now

I think she should consider self-harm. That'll teach him!

Got this card in Trivial Pursuit and will unfortunately be thinking of the phrase "eminently glaze-worthy" for the rest of my life

Biden: Some people don't have Christmas... (suddenly angry) I'm tired of it! (broad smile) Everyone has Christmas. Everyone. (shuffling papers for 20 seconds) (walks off)

Merry christmas to all and too all... spit on that thing!!

musical Instrumence......

Every time I see this guy I start hearing Dust in the Wind in my head

once i get this indoor onion farm going you're all finished

My beautiful single "(He Got That) Nosferatu Dick" is receiving critical acclaim upon reëvaluation

I don't know how it happened but every time I open google maps now it tells me the location of every Tuba Christmas event in the world

You don't have to do this anymore. Blue sky dot com has the twitter magic now. It's where the posts are. You don't even have to follow me on there, just free yourself from here

British politician sex

LADIES...AS LONG AS I HAVE THIS FACE...Y'ALL HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SIT.... LOVE, ST FROM ATL

Make your children believe Santa is real by breaking your toilet before they get up on Christmas morning.