wrote ‘Mrs. Claus’ big warm titties’ on my Christmas list and now I’m scared. what do you think he’s gonna do to me

you seriously don’t recognize me? i’m the torso from that beheading video you saw in 2005

lock eyes with the mailman and the maze begins

no offense babe but ur pussy is so 2000 n late

theres a study that video games is smarter then books. look it up asshole

there’s an IRS agent gripping my ballsa** and he won’t leave til I show him ur recent venmo transactions

hope this email sucks and fucks you well. hope this email flips you over and buries its tongue in your ass. hope this email got you moanin’ n grippin’ the sheets. hope this email make ya legs shake. hope this email does that thing you like with the blindfold. hope this em

picture this: a Scottish guy saying YouTube

Jesus and the 12 disciples gathered; one by one, he helped them pack the fattest dip (each fatter than the last) and He said unto them: do we deadass not have a single girl disciple

smokin on the shit that made granny smith

please tap like to agree to the denim chicken Terms & Conditions

show me EXACTLY where in the Constitution it says you can’t vape and rub a small business owners penis during a musical. that’s right, you can’t

not enough food critics saying ‘nummy’ these days. just my opinion…

*showing the barber a picture of JFKs head blown off* think we can do something like this?

the next person that says denim chicken fell off is getting their ass pounded

if a woman approaches you, draw your blade. they’re trying to gain XP - don’t let them

I’m about to fire up Lose Yourself and defeat The Bulb

they should do a Mardi Gras for asses

bird scientist here, he’s shitting

bolleyball. BOLLEYBALL