Oh cool my DoorDash will be here in 7 months

Grown men in London call sick days 'sickies?' That's weirder than saying 'playing hookey' which I used to think was using hookers

NEW: Two dozen illegal immigrants dock at a high end marina in California before storming into a neighborhood.

The incident happened at Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach.

Unfortunately, there is not much the local police can do considering a California measure prohibits the…

My hobbies include sleeping and eating chicken tendies

I'm not like other girls.

For one thing I have a really big dick.

How many calories are in Kraft Mac if you add an extra cheese pack, some hot sauce and a severed penis?

The WNBA is wild y’all

This election was rigged tbh. Or yall out there closet eating licorice

Haha good for him 🤠

Let's hash this out once and for all:

Texas is just Mexico with shittier beaches

It could be worse. You could have had pasta pizza for dinner

Last year the owner of my favorite donut shop was shot in the head during a robbery. Sometimes I consider the risk but then I'm like 'it's worth it.' Stay fat, my friends

'Ya'll call me a barbarian, but I tell you, I'm jus a simple roosta celebratin the holidays with my youngin, and I go in to this here eatery, they sprinkle my boy up with eleven secret herbs and spices!'

'Foghorn-Sama says there is war on Christmas.'