i actually also think all men should post their panties in their fit pics

now there's a FOURTH cat outside?? there are too many cats out there

he's not gonna text you back girl. it's criterion announcement week

[horniest voice imaginable] goodnight i love you

priority specimen 🥰 do not release 🥰🥰

how to feels to let fear pass through you

van leeuwen *eye roll, jack off motion*

sorry to tweet this at god's tender hour of 9:30am EST on monday morning but i can't think of a single person who has been more of a saint and deserves to lose an entire day being hungover like i do

italian pastry. there's certainly a wild world of flavors to play with there if one was so inclined

my most millennial coded trait is that i'm kind of always seconds away from tweeting 'and i'm the one with no soul -- one above and one below'

i'm so tired of always 'having to work' the day the indie theater is doing a 14 hour giallo movie marathon. i NEVER get to do ANYTHING and have never had fun in my LIFE

nothing like rewatching fight club and being like oh ha ha. the hot one is edward norton

mommy? *takes a long drag off a cigarette, exhales* haven't heard that name around here in ages........

mother's day. or as i heard the line cooks call it just now, 'dia de mamacitas'