Why does Harry Potter, Christmas and Ricola cough drops all make me feel the same thing

Horrified by who you were a decade ago? Keep improving so in another decade you can be horrified by who you are right now!

pelaton is for horse girls

is the opposite of an outfit an infit and would an infit just be my pajamas

Someday they’ll look back and think lord of the rings was a religion we practiced

Staring contests with security cameras

Mamma Mia theme park would be cool

People with blue eyes aren’t angry it’s just really bright out all the time

Anyone else put on hand lotion like they’re scheming something devious

It’s been a sit in the shower kind of day

Frequently have Ryan Gosling’s voice in my head asking me what I want and I’m sorry but it’s not that simple Ryan

Hell is probably a bunch of dudes revving their motorcycles way too loudly at each other

I want ppl to start taking the Twilight films seriously

Calling grapefruits grapefruits is just lazy. If I was in charge of naming fruit I’d call them goldoblums. Or luminelons.

If anyone ever finds an angry yelp review written by yours truly please check in with me to see if I’m okay

I will ALWAYS bring a good book to the bath but ask me how many times I’ve read a book in the bath

Soon quarters will become obsolete and laundromats and arcades across the country will have to shut down and that keeps me up at night

In the airport and just walked through a pocket of cool AC air that smelled like toasted bagels and it was exactly what I needed and now I believe in God

Making a promise to myself now that I will not buy a summer dress that looks like a picnic table cloth no matter how much The Gap might want me to