ngl.link/twinzerdad

At my parents this weekend with my kids. Anyone wanna keep me entertained?

I visit my parents because where else am I going to get to watch Forged in Fire at 140 decibels

Empty juice boxes and fossilized goldfish crackers

My parents are at that fun age where they’re both pretty much deaf so every interaction between the two of them goes like this.

Mom: Says something

Dad: doesn’t hear it, says “what?”

Repeat 2x

Mom: Yells it

Dad: Gets offended he’s being yelled at

Not a bad way to spend an evening

I’ve hit that age where I’m the same age or older than all the parents in the sitcoms I loved as a kid and it’s very unsettling

Back on Valentines Day, I wasn’t feeling well so I went in to get checked out. After some routine bloodwork, I got a phone call.

Turns out, my blood sugar levels came back in the diabetic range.

I was now a member of the Wilford Brimley fan club

Going to keep this going through the weekend!

Today is 143 Day or Mr. Rogers Day.

Tell someone you care about them, buy someone a cookie, donate to your favorite charity.

Looking for something kind to do? Consider Donating a toy to #LittleWheelsBigHearts

amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls…

I’m 39 years old and to this day have never felt more grown up than I did when I heard Raphael yell “Damn” in the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie for the first time.

“still punk as fuck” i whisper as i take my gummy vitamins

Involuntarily whispering “f*ck” when I realized the print in the book I bought eBay is too small is the most 39 year old thing I’ve done to date.

There’s 2 facets of life in which I show my kids no mercy, 4 square and MarioKart

For somebody who regularly replaces the lyrics of popular songs with the word “Boobs” while driving alone in his car, a surprising amount of people insist on treating me like an adult.