your annoying ipad kid nephew after one too many Shirley Temples at the family function

Would be hilarious if that was just now occurring to him

Something soooo beautifully universal about fucking up at work

Get em sis

Had to read it twice

'Over half of the state's short-term rentals are owned by people out-of-state'

Cleavage. It speaks to us from the time before memory of love, comfort, warmth, softness and food. Cleavage. Oh yes. Cleavage.

What if instead of entry level positions there was actually no ladder to climb up at all

Updating my 2014 MacBook and you would think I am diffusing a bomb. It’s been two hours and the fan is going so hard it sounds like it’s preparing for take off

Lord when I die may I come back as a government contractor

All of the homes were bought up by shell companies at steadily increasing prices as one giant scam - most of the homes were bought by shell companies belonging to the home builders themselves.

The reason I know this is because I processed the mass sales for the largest one.

My exposure to coke as an adult is usually when the most annoying person at a bachelorette party leaves for 10 minutes and comes back even more annoying

Went to a wedding last weekend, asked kids at the party what they were watching. They all said Brooklyn 99.

Cool society we've created

It’s like Kylie Minogue doesn’t even exist

I’m Blind! F these BS glasses!