That moon tonight sexy as fuck.

Red or green salsa?

Should have gone to blockbuster tonight and ordered a pie of pizza. But nope, sadly not 2002 anymore.

Need a pedicure this week. And a massage.

I’m like 75% nerd, 25% kinda cool. 100% funny and adorable though.

Ozzie Albies talking about his pet fish is the most wholesome shit ever.

Need an emotional support human, who’s down?

Looking for something to order. Is it a chicken parm kind of Sunday?

Gym. Uncle Giuseppe’s. Yankees. Knicks.

The ultimate Sunday.

Good morning. Happy Sunday. I love you.

Luis Gil needs to be in the Rookie of the Year conversation, right?

A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.

Who wants to cuddle and split a grilled cheese?

Got a new book: “How to pretend to be normal.”

Me at 10 years old with a pretzel stick

Holy shit Paul Skenes

I just wanna be like 6 years old again. Just start this whole thing over.

All crumbs, no cake? Brilliant

Do you have more Close Friends or Blocked accounts?

Snickerdoodle is the best flavor of anything and I don’t even know what it means.