Idk if it’s laziness or just that I purely missed carbs that much during pregnancy, but most of my breakfasts and lunches have been a thick slice of bakery bread topped with something - chive cream cheese & salmon, pb bananas & honey, sliced tomatoes black pepper & mayo, etc.

“I’m so glad it’s back to mommy drop offs, daddy’s radio was getting annoying” - my kid on the way to school this morning 🤣

a godzilla gelato could cure me

Despite knowing exactly how Internet ads work, seeing these successfully targeted and attributed Facebook ads in the wild is still so crazy to me 😅

Caramel fudge, brownie, and strawberry (fuck yall strawberry haters fr lol) 🍦🍨

Got cleared to drive today and the first place I’m going if kindergarten orientation for parents at the same elementary school I did 4th & 5th grade 😭😅

Yall need to be chili oil maxxing, I just added some to mac & cheese and bruh

Squirting her in the face with breastmilk at every feeding is still the preferred method to attempt to deal with baby acne, yeah??

🌚🌚🌚

Hamilton walked so Kendrick could run 🥲

lmaoo assassin bug’s creed pls give me more enrichment ideas from your experience that I can also use on my child this summer 🤣

Just like in the past, the true test of “getting my body back” post-birth is making sure the free Patagucci pullover I got from work like 5 years ago still fits and y’all - WE ARE SO BACK!!!

she's a ten but she uses 'bro” romantically and 'babe' platonically.

How to serve cunt in a pathetically poetic way

Whoever has my voodoo doll I’m begging you to massage between the shoulder blades bc I forgot about the breastfeeding aches and pains 😅🥴

Tell him he gotta be Bruce Wayne during the wedding and can be Batman at the reception, easy peasy tbh 😅

I’ve thought about this because I’m uncomfortable using or having others use the term rainbow baby for me (esp since it’s mostly used re: miscarriage & stillbirth), however I think if it brings others comfort or a renewed spirit regarding motherhood, I support that for them.

The bottle of my probiotic gummies says it’s a 90ct bottle and I take 2 a day per the serving size, then HOW is there only ONE left in the bottle?! Someone fucked up on the assembly line or in qa 🤨