You don’t expect to get mugged by a man carrying takeout food but sometimes it happens

Therapists that go to therapy should lose their licenses and maybe even be imprisoned

Breaking Bad’s wife was rhe villain of the show

I’m going to start parking in handicapped parking spots due to self-diagnosed broken ribs

Doing the too small gesture to my student when he gets a 59% on a test

Bringing a flask to work filled with Bud light

Worst tweet of 2024 contender

Never gambled on golf before and shocked at the odds I’m getting on tiger woods, he’s so famous

I think the funniest Drake insult I ever heard about him was that he’s the type of guy to go to the bathroom to fart in the toilet then flush it

Yes they should

I’m burning my Caitlin Clark jersey if she doesn’t get my Fever a win next game

Having to listen to Kendrick Perkins instead of inside the nba makes me want to kill myself

Eating pussy after chugging lots of soda on a date

Made $25 door dashing for 12 hours today

Getting less into tweeting and more into retweeting

I can make that in seven years and I’m not even a musician 🤷‍♂️